Newsletter 1 – How are you?

For weeks I felt this pressure of having to write a blog. I even started one. But it didn’t feel right. I couldn’t write it from the right place inside me. This week I realised that I really do not feel like writing blogs right now. And that I let that pressure of having to write a blog, stand in the way of giving you, the people who subscribed to my newsletter, an update on my new life here. So I decided to only write a personal newsletter.

‘How are you?’, is a question I have been frequently asked in these past few months. And such a difficult question to answer. Reason why I have often not replied to some of you who were so kind of getting in touch with me. I sincerely apologize for that. I just could not answer it. For it is such a simple question but the answer is far from simple.

For how am I ? It is not answered in a few, superficial words. There is this feeling of not being glad and not not being glad. No joy but also no sorrow or regrets. It looks like not feeling, numbness or neutral, but I know it isn’t that. Far from that. I often didn’t feel like going deep into that when people just want to know how I am doing. To explain that I cannot express what I am feeling. I, who is always so clear about capturing my feelings in words.

What I do know is that it is good to be here. I enjoy being with my old friends and making new friends. I love being out in the beautiful nature here, to take the ancient energy in. To capture that beauty in images. My house is growing on me, even though not (yet) in seize as it is a very small house in comparison to my house in the Netherlands. And I even got a part-time job already! So life is good and I am at the place where I need and want to be.

(My house :)

So what is this undefined feeling about? This analogy might help: I feel like a plant that has been carefully dug out and replanted in good but very different soil and needs time before starting to make new roots. To first simply rest in the soil, to rest in the not-knowing. To let it be and let my soul decide when it is time to start making new roots and the direction it wants to take. Yes, to rest into the not-knowing, how good that feels. It feels almost like ….. home….

So this is how I am right now. I sincerely hope that now I have communicated this, I can write my newsletter more often. To write more about my life here in the far north. I will take up my blogs when I feel the urge to do so. For I am sure of one thing: it is time to leave the pressure behind :-).